apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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