I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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