Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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