....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
