Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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