I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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