your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
