I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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