just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
