he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
