She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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