thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
