theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize