I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
