Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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