Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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