Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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