im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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