I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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