i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
