....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
