I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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