Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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