my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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