GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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