Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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