Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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