She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
