I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
