im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
