I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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