Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
