he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
