I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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