just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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