At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
