I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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