Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
