Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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