Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
