We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
