Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
