i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
