If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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