first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
