you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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