I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
