ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
