hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
