Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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