they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
