We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
