Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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