Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
