i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you win again, gameday.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
