Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
