I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize