You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
