I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
