Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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