not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
