I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
