it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
