Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
