My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
