What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
