this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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