I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
