I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
