I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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