I met the friendliest cop last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
