I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
