dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
