Pregnant stripper...not hot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
