My Higher Power is John Stamos
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They have beer where we have blood.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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