y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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