If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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