don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
