just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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