I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
