Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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