You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
