respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
