we have officially lost it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
