I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
