Need sex. Gaining weight.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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