Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize