Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Welp...herpes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
