I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize