i always forget guys have bellybuttons
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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