I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
