I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
