in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
