I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He felt like a one man threesome
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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