...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
