he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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