honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize