there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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