don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
