How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
