I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
