Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
