I CAN MOONWALK!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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