Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The air taste purple.
Randomize
