I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're too hungover to prance.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
