I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
