Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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