she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
