Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
