You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
