Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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